hOW TO recalibrate your MOUSE........Must do at least once

 

You should actually do this every year.. Even more often if you spend a lot of time on the computer.

I was shocked to see how well this works, and how far off mine was!

To re-calibrate your mouse...

In the grey area below, click and hold on the capital G then drag it toward the small g.

If it doesn't work immediately, you might want to clean your mouse, as the calibration is off.

  Good lord!! You'll believe anything  :)

Poor neighbour!!

 

 

 An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

... He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

D next day he was bck, greeted me in my yard,walked inside nd resumed his spot in d hall nd again slept 4 about an hour.

Dis continued off nd on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar:'I would like 2 find out who d owner of dis wonderful sweet dog is and ask if u r aware dat almost every afternoon ur dog comes to my house 4 a nap.

D next day he arrived 4 his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:'Yes, He lives in a home, with my non stop chatting & nagging wife, he's trying 2 catch up on his sleep...
Can I come with him!!

be careful of this!

Better be careful what you do.
It's traveling around the world

Day in and day out
The "Internet Spread" will catch up with you

Many years ago...
before the computer came around

This ailment called "Internet Spread"
was nowhere to be found

Now from morning to night
People are there...

You know where...

In front of computers sitting on a chair

That chair will do it to you every time

You know what I have found

The chair will make your bottom really round

.com

You can try to sit
a little more to the left or a little more to the right

Instead of just flat
that still won't keep your backside firm and tight

I guess you can stand for a while
like an hour or two
then the muscles back there drop

Yep...that's just what they do

This is what happens
It all goes saggy

Next thing you know
you got a fanny that's baggy

This is the truth if it's something you dread

      

Don't sit in front of the computer
Or you'll get

"Internet Spread"

What is Life....

Can't eat pork,

Swine flu..

Can't eat chicken,
Bird flu.

Can't eatBeef,
Mad cow.... 

Can't eat eggs, Salmonella.

Can't eat fish,heavy metal poisons in their waters.

Can't eat fruits and veggies,insecticides and herbicides.

 

Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream!!!!!!!!
Remember---'STRESSED'spelled backwards! is 'DESSERTS'

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!



MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master



LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either 

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present


COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece 

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on


ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before


CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read



SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!


OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life


YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth


ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do


COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together


EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes


ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions


PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead


DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip


OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river


OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"


PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY


MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!


FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature


CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught


BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early


POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later


DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!

Wife is like a TV,
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.

Wife is like a TV,
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.

At home u watch TV,
But when u go out u take ur MOBILE.

No money, u sell the TV,
Got money u change ur MOBILE.

Sometimes u enjoy TV,
But most of the time u play with ur MOBILE.

TV is free for life,
But for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable.

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable,
But for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding.

TV has a remote,
MOBILE doesn't.

TVs don't have viruses,
But MOBILEs often do!

Last but not least ..

MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),
But with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not).

Which is the most Dangerous Letter in English ??

The Answer is "W"...as in Wrong
"W" is a tension generator...
because all the worries and troubles get begins with "W"...
Who ? Why?
What ? When ?
Which ? Whom??
Where ?
War...
Wine...Whisky... Women...
Wealth
And finally .......

You have to accept this :
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.......

WIFE....

Smart Husband

In case it is a female reading this, then just realize the value of a man

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river his axe fell into the river. When he cried out the Lord appeared and asked "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked..

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"



The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE, you would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man and am not able to take care of all three wives so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable

reason, and for the benefit of others.

Common Man Salary!! TRUE

DID YOU UNDERSTOOD ???? NICE ONE

Scroll down, if you have not understood..



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WE ARE GETTING MONEY AT TORTOISE’S SPEED, BUT SPENDING THE MONEY AT RABBIT’S SPEED……

School Days…

The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students of USA. As one teacher noted, “It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!”

1. “Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”

2. “Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”

3. “Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”

4. “Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.”

5. “Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”

6. “To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.”

7. “The parts of speech are lungs and air.”

8. “The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.”

9. “A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.”

10. “Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.”

11. “The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.”

12. “The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.”

13. “Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.”

14. “Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.”

15. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone

was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

16. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire ‘s in the East and the sun sets in the West.

17. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the fall when the apples are falling off the trees.

18. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice

for the same offense.

19. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

20. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

21. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.

Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

22. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we

wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

23. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

24. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.

Ultimate Funny Love Letter

Awesome mail…but d best part is signature…

(By a Software Engineer… )



Sweetheart ,

I’ve seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time I’ve been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.

My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless.

You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well.

Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.

When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. which I never experienced before.

With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked together, I’ll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life.

I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail.

And its all but certain that if

this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery.

Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox. Error free…

Regards,

Software Programmer

Today This company
Tomorrow That Company
But always want Ur Company!