How To Start Your Day With A Positive Attitude

 1. Open a new file in your PC .

2. Name it ‘ Boss ‘

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, ‘Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently? ‘

6. Answer calmly, ‘Yes,’ and press the mouse button firmly….

7. Feel better?

HAVE A NICE DAY

WIFE and HUSBAND Fight

This is the best and most civil way to have a fight between husband and wife instead of resorting to physical force…

Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.

WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far
HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn’t it rain on you?
WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you

AND THE SAGA CONTINUES……..

Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor…
……………………………………………………………
“Husband is one who is the head of the family,
but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes.”
………………………………………………………………
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
……………………………………………………….
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means – With Idiot For Ever
…………………………………………………………………
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push…!

Watch dogs

A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs,

and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Why did you give them names like that?"

The blonde responded, "What else would you name watch dogs?"

God Too In A Joking Mood...!

A man was praying to god.
He said, "God?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the Guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead", God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man wondered.
Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."
So the man said, "God can I have a penny?"
And God cheerfully said,
"Sure!.......just a second."

WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH……

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH……
FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK : ( and you would find out the same .. !!!! )
1 ) Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer : “Ok.”
Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
—————————————-

2) Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”
Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”

————————————————–

3) Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer : “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”

————————————————–

4) Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

————————————————–

5) Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
Tech support : ##### ***

————————————————–

6) Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer : “A white one.”
Tech support : ******_____####

————————————————–

7) Tech Support : “What operating system are you running?”
Customer : “Pentium.”

Tech support : ////—–+++
————————————————–

8) Customer : “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
Tech support : ??????

————————————————–

9) Customer : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
Tech Support : ?!%#$
————————————————–

10) Customer : “How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support : ??????

————————————————–

11) Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”

Tech Support : “What does it say?”

Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”

Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

Tech support : @@@@@
————————————————–

12) Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”

Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”

————————————————–

13) Tech Support : “What does the screen say now?”

Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”

Tech Support : “Well?”

Customer : “How do I know when it’s ready?”

Tech support : *** —- ++++
————————————————–

The best of the lot

14) A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What’s the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.

Tech support::

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The, tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.

————————————————-
Height Of it all (Too Good)

15) Customer : I need a product identification number right now

Customer Care Officer : and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust : sure !!!!

CCO : could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your, computer?

Newton Law’s-How he formulated

Story of Newton’s laws:
A Cow was walking. NEWTON stopped it. It stopped. He formulated his 1st law,

“An object continues to move unless it’s stopped”.
He generated a FORCE n kicked the Cow, it made a Sound “MA”! He formulated the 2nd law, F=MA!!
After sometime the Cow kicked Newton, then he formulated the 3rd Law.
i.e, ‘EVERY ACTION HAS AN EQUAL & OPPOSITE REACTION’.